


Untranslatable

by SpaceAceAmeko



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I might wanna make this Klance eventually, Keith and Pidge sibling dynamic, Keith has trouble with reality, My first finished fic in like years, homesick everyone really, homesick keith because I like to suffer, mentions of DPD and disassociation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 01:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8231075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceAceAmeko/pseuds/SpaceAceAmeko
Summary: (My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.)
 
"It's like," Keith pauses, staring at a particularly bright star he knows not the name of, "that star, right there. Everything around us is real, I can feel it, see it. Touch things. How can I know things aren't a dream?"
"People don't feel pain in their dreams, that's why the expression is 'pinch me I must be dreaming'."
"But some people can feel pain in their dreams." He muses, glancing to her as she thinks about what he said and nods.
"I've heard someone who played Sims, that their characters went into computer programming and literally found out they were a computer program."
Keith stares at her, he was vaguely aware of a computer game named Sims but the comparison wasn't something he understood. She shrugs.
"Is this where the disconnection comes from?" Keith looks away and nods. "Are you feeling disconnected now?"
"It's.. complicated." Keith pursed his lips, then sighs softly.





	

 

_**Hiraeth**  (Welsh): A particular type of longing for the homeland or the romanticized past._

 

The war has been dragging on for years. Well, not _years_. Keith would probably guesstimate close to two years they had been out here. Taking down Galra drones, freeing citizens and reuniting them with their families. Every day that passes that they fight the enemy, is a week they spend away from Earth. And those weeks drag on to months, drag on to years.  The seconds, hours, minutes pile upon each other in varying degrees on the paladins.

It wasn't a secret or a surprise that each of them felt the longing to go back. Though the team was practically family, it didn't erase the feeling of the family they lost or left behind. Especially for Lance. He comes from a big family, younger and older siblings, many cousins, aunts, uncles. He was homesick. So was everyone else. Lance was the only one who was very vocal about it, though. The only one to wear his homesick heart on his sleeve while the others indulged in mind numbing exercises to lessen their loneliness and isolation.

Keith could see the tension build up in his broad shoulders, his own heart felt weighed down just watching him as he flops onto the couch after a mission well done and he just sinks further and further like he's made of goo that can meld to its surroundings.

Recently their synergy has gotten a little shaky, with mission after mission after mission forbidding them a small break to relax and unwind. Keith knows Lance especially needs that time to think about his family back on earth, to take a deep breath and visualize their reunion after they squash the Galra empire just to keep himself pushing forward to a happy ending. He's actually been watching Lance for a while. Seeing how this stress and emotional baggage is affecting him, but says nothing. There was nothing he could do, really.

Today was an especially bad day.

Just as the team had gotten inside after a particularly hard battle against the Galra, the team had come into the commons room and sat down  in their respective areas. Lance was started to sink into the cushions, getting ready to pep himself up with a much needed victory visualization when Allura had called them in to train. They were all tired, this she knew, but maybe if they pushed just a little more they could defeat the next battle with more ease. The training itself had gone as well as she had hoped, if not with its hiccups and banter between teammates. It was after that, during dinner, that Lance finally let his dam break.

Lance didn't eat, even though is was Hunk who cooked that night. Making it as small treat to relax, a small mercy to their otherwise rough and hectic schedule. Usually Lance would dig in without further ado when the food is set down on the table, but not today. He poked and proded and nibbled on a squishy looking coral thing.

"Lance, you should eat more. You need your strength." Allura spoke up, a bit worried, but also using her slightly authoritative voice.

"I'm not hungry." Lance bites out uncharacteristically. If everyone hadn't been glancing at him before, they certainly were now. Lance never skips a meal if he could help it, even if that meal was always that food goo. "I just... I'm _tired_ , okay? I'm tired, sore, we haven't slept in like forever and.. I miss my family."

They've heard Lance talk about his family before. It was always wistful and nostalgic, even if it had a bit of melancholy. It usually brought a longing-for smile onto his lips. This was a more angry tone he used, full of painful longing of a family and planet literally worlds away.

In his tone, it was easy to see how tired he was of fighting but knew he couldn't quit. He talked about how everyday it's the same thing-- fight, win, get hurt, liberate, eat, sleep maybe one or two earth hours, train all with varying degrees of activity but little to no time to relax. His voice crescendos, and Keith can tell everyone else is thinking of their families, too.

Allura, with Coran, thought of their lost civilization. Gone now for good, ever since King Alfor's erasure of the memories stored in the castle. They long for the good old days, where Zarkon didn't rule the galaxy and planets were free. Their duty is to the universe, their cause is for others, as is ingrained into their beings as diplomats. Their homesickness drives them forward, to reunite families so that they can feel that their suffering wasn't all for naught. Their isolation is uplifted when they can feel the free peoples' emotions of happiness and belonging.

Pidge, with her older brother and father stripped away from Earth by the Galra, pushes herself forward. Forward to end the war for good, to reach the end of the universe to find her family (sans the mother she left on earth). She spends sleepless nights upgrading their Lions, their bayards, offering her genius to the team with her inventions and insight. Her isolation is pushed away to feel another day, in favor of staring at her goal to find her brother and father.

Shiro's homesickness is not well known, or shown. He is the oldest of the paladins, the most experienced of them all. When they speak about home, sitting around the common room with wistful voices and dreams about the future, Keith had seen the same longing in his eyes as the others had. He never spoke about his own family, though Keith knew he misses his parents dearly. They were no longer on earth, passed from old age before Shiro left on his mission for Kerberos. But he still misses them. He has another family, though. The Holts were as much family as were his parents and like Pidge, the need to find them and end the empire drives him forward. Shiro raises his isolation by sheer willpower and determination.

Hunk, as kind and gentle as he is, is actually more hardened in his emotions of longing. He doesn't come from a big family like Lance, or had his family taken like Pidge, but he comes from a good family. A typical makeshift nuclear family that was just a little bigger than most, plus grandparents and a couple of pets. So, not really at all like a nuclear family at all. He was the oldest, with a younger brother and sister. When he speaks about them, his face lights up like a kid at Christmas. He's told stories of him fixing their toys, making them new ones, working with his father on a car. For a small while the team teasingly called him Santa. He blushed and laughed, patted his belly good naturedly and very animatedly said _Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas!_. That even made Keith laugh until his stomach hurt.

Though his family is on earth and he longs to go back, he is able to trudge onward with a warm heart and ambition. To Hunk, he didn't have to go back to earth, he could go forward, as if the universe itself is also spherical and eventually he will end up back where he started. His isolation is dulled by providing light emotions to his team, to see them smile. He provides help to Pidge with engineering she couldn't figure out, provides insight to Shiro and Allura regarding strategies, provides Lance with his ability to listen and uplift his spirit, push him forward.

To Keith, he provides a calm and gentle presence. A rock, so to speak. Their pillar of hope, despite his outbursts about how they'll blow up on a battleship of something. There was something always silly in what he said in those situations, that made the team much more amiable to get through the day.

Lance is special. He's loud because he wants to be heard, he fights because he has a dream of going back. He wears his heart on his sleeve, emotions clear as day on his face. He's smart, incredible so. He could gouge and think up a plan within seconds, figure out puzzles just as fast. More than once Keith had been amazed by his mental dexterity in battle, training, and team building exercises. But Lance is not like the others.

Lance couldn't steel himself and shrug off the pain of his family he left back home like Pidge, can't lift up his emotional baggage with strong arms like Shiro, only feels more longing when he sees the freed people be reunited with _their_  family and wishes it was him with his own. He isn't strong enough to hold himself up emotionally to find solace in uplifting his friends like Hunk does.

The Paladins of Voltron deal with their homesickness and feelings of isolation in very different ways, each of them having developed a coping mechanism in the first few months. Lance has had his own, of course, but they didn't work all one hundred percent of the time or when he really needed to squash his feelings and emotions that bubbled beneath the surface of his skin demanding freedom and his family.

Keith could hear the small tremble in his voice when he spoke, still angry at the world, at Zarkon, at their isolation from their families. And he is hurt, deeply hurt, by their absence. Keith notices everyone gets that semi-hazy look as they think about their own families. The looks weren't wistful or full of wonder. It was a bitter kind of realization that even though they missed them so dearly, who knows when they will see each other next?

Keith furrows his brows, unable to connect with his friends, his teammates, now family. He feels something bubble in his chest and doesn't know if it was a good thing or not, probably not. He doesn't want this type of talk, doesn't like the feeling of it on his tongue as they spoke. Doesn't like the thickness of the room or how the thickness he breathed in was heavy in his lungs and closed up his throat like he was asthmatic.

"Everyone has families they want to go back to, Lance." He says a few seconds after Lance had announced he was sick of the endless fighting and how hopeless it seemed. They had, after all, barely freed two percent of the known universe, excluding the areas that Zarkon did not reach.

Lance glares at him, eyes boring into him like sharp knives. It had been a while since Lance looked at him with such contempt. He was not having this conversation with Keith, was too hurt and alone to let it go. To swallow his medicine and lift his chin, then strut forward. He was still to hazy, as everyone else was, to really comprehend what was happening.

"What would you know, Keith?" He practically hissed out. "You don't even have family to miss!" He said bitingly. "All you had to leave behind was a stupid little shack in the middle of fucking nowhere."

Well. Lance wasn't _wrong_. But it still surprised him, just a tiny bit, at how attacked he felt. Instead of looking hurt or upset by his outburst, Keith just glares back like their normal routine.

"Fucking whatever," Keith huffs instead, standing up as he thanks Hunk for the meal and leaves the table. The other looked partially worried, having recognized what Lance had said was too much, but he was gone quick and they were busy with strapping down that isolated and homesick feeling before it ruined their morale.

Lance needed is special. He needed to _feel_. Feel his emotions, work through them, and come to conclusions on his own.

Lance needed to feel. Keith knows this.

* * *

 

After a day of rest Lance was back to normal. He had felt and worked through his emotions like he had needed too, and had felt the brunt of what he had said to Keith in a flurry of emotions. The day after they came to train together, expecting to need to walk on eggshells around Keith and Lance. But when Keith strolled in for breakfast, and Lance tried to cozy up to him like he usually did, he replied in his usual manner. Any traces of hurt from his comments had not been there, if there were, the rest of the team couldn't see it at all.

Pidge had thought that Lance went overboard. Being depressed, even if it was as bad as Lance had it, was no excuse for saying something as terrible as what was said. It wasn't a secret or a very taboo topic that Keith was an orphan. He was bounced around from foster home to foster home until the Garrison took him under their wings. And even though Keith didn't look phased by it, Pidge was sure he still felt something when Lance lashed out.

During relaxing days, she didn't see Keith at all. After not seeing him the rest of the night, then the next morning during regular sleuthing castle times as she normally would, she got suspicious. He wasn't even on the training deck battling his feelings away. The suspicion settled a tiny bit when everything was as it was the morning after. She felt like she could feel a thin layer of tension, only coming from Keith. A small, clear, invisible wall that kept him from the others without him knowing.

This time when they battled or trained, their synergy was back on point. They formed Voltron no problem. They were able to reign in their homesickness and liberate more planets.

Everything was going great, everyone thought so. Keith joined them for training and meals, and disappeared, as per usual. Pidge wonders if she's the only one to notice that even if it is 'normal' for him to disappear so much, how abnormal it felt?

There were a few things she noticed about Keith that she kept to herself. One is how he carried himself: forward. No matter what. What was his drive? His motivation?

Two, how distant he was. This wasn't a _I'm not letting anyone get close to me emotionally_  kind of distance, this was him walking or training or doing anything like normal and he gets this certain look in his eyes like everything is miles away. Like he is looking at the telly and seeing everything unfold. But of course, this second one is Pidge's speculation.

Three. During battles Keith is headstrong, going in for the kill so to speak. He doesn't hesitate to attack or defend. He does it without complaint. Like he does it without thought, on autopilot. He responds to them normally, but Pidge thinks she can imagine him zoning out while he fights. She had seen it once when they all slumped to the common rooms to collapse on the coach. Keith sat as always, at the end of the coach and a hands breadth away from Pidge on his left. They were unwinding, joking. Keith watches them, makes a few comments here and there like he was paying attention. But his eyes don't shine, and the smirk or grin he sometimes wears doesn't quite reach to glimmer in his eyes. Instead they stare ahead, seeming to try and focus on the others only to look through them by accident. Number two and three could be easily the same thing, she also thinks afterwards.

Four. Keith had been suspiciously quiet after missions. Not that he wasn't always quite except for few arguments with Lance, interaction with Shiro, Hunk, herself. But before they all go to sleep, she could hear Keith come out of his room and leave to someplace. Being awake nearly all the time, she sometimes doesn't even hear him come back to bed when she falls asleep an hour before the alarms rose to wake them. This bothered her more than she thought it would. Keith was a solitary person, a lone wolf. There was no need to worry, he could take care of himself.

She didn't let the feeling pester enough to seek him out during his solitude until after a mission had gone wrong. Luckily no one was too hurt. An old mine had detonated on a desert planet by an abandoned station. Keith was the first to get up, staring at the wreckage that was now smoking.

"Keith," Pidge said, then, getting up to stand at his side. It was just the two of them. They had volunteered to go on a pair mission to retrieve any kind of valuable information. Keith hadn't responded, barely even registered her hand on his arm. He stares listlessly ahead, nothing registering in his eyes either. Just reflecting the wrecked station that tumbled down. "Keith!" She called again, louder. He had startled and looked at her, sucking in a breath like he held it.

"What?" Was his of so eloquent response. Pidge stares, inquiring at his stature to make sure he wasn't hurt.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Keith blinks slow, momentarily his eyes loose focus.

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you. Were you able to get what we need?"

Pidge purses her lips as she plays this in her head before nodding. When they get back to the castle Keith disappears after grabbing some food goo, saying he was tired. She looked around the table. How did no one find that suspicious? Or was it her imagining all these small nuances about Keith's actions that were definitely like the hot headed paladin she first met? Needless to say she had a lot on her mind. After mindlessly finishing her food goo, she went to her room and got out her laptop, spruced up with the latest and greatest tech she scavenged. She opened up a small software program and watched as the castle blueprints came into view. There, she also saw small color coded dots. Two in the common's room, one in Shiro's room, one in her own room and... One in some far place of the castle she hadn't ventured to go to, that was blinking a soft red. She had put homing devices in all of the bayards for emergencies, ones that worked even if they lost all energy in their lions. They had their own small power crystals lodged in a small compartment somewhere in the corners.

She takes a breath and takes out her handheld miniature computer, combination of her own software and the small device Allura has given them when they sought out the Lions, then set out to follow that red dot, using her own green dot as a general compass. She followed it to a weird corner that had nothing there, besides jutting covered pipes and box likes areas that were probably used to cover other machinery, there was nothing there. And yet, the red little dot was still blinking there and hadn't moved. Was her tech malfunctioning? A glitch? But then, were was Keith, and his bayard? 

Pidge mulled over possibilities until she heard a small shuffle coming from beyond the machinery. If she hadn't been so quiet, she would have missed it completely. She furrows her brow and puts away her make-shift GPS as she comes closer and glances around. It was when she crouched low that she saw a tiny opening between the wall. She held in a sigh before she got onto her knees and crawled through the underpass and stood in that opening. It was so dark in there, despite the ambiance of the soft lights from the way she came in. Above, she could see faint like too. But she would have to climb, and at this she did give a soft sigh. 

The trek up was easy enough, she was small enough. She pushed at either sides of the confinement and after a few small shuffles, grabs onto the ledge and hoists herself up. When Pidge raises her head, her eyes widen with bewilderment. 

"Keith?" She calls out without meaning too. Her tracker had been right. There he was, sitting in his small, but rather spacious and rather useless, part of the castle-ship staring out the expanse of the window. How he managed to find this place was beyond her. Hell, how he managed to _fit_  through the space was beyond her. There was a blanket around his shoulders, billowing closed around him as he sat cross legged, slouched and eyes far off. Her tracker had been right. 

Keith startles when he hears her, even though her voice wasn't raised. He turns his head, reflecting the same expression she has on. 

"Pidge? What are you doing here?" He asks, and Pidge could ask him that same question. There wasn't accusation in his words, just the same baffled disbelief that Pidge would somehow end up in the same tiny place on the ship that probably the rest of the inhabitants of the castle (besides the mice) couldn't get to. 

Pidge is quiet as she thinks over her possible answer. 

"I was wondering where you were.." She said after a few pauses. Keith blinks again, but doesn't respond with a gruff _get lost_ or a _fuck off_  as she thinks Lance maybe would have gotten. He just looks back to the expanse of stars and endless dark. She takes that as a possible welcome to join him and she shuffles her butt up all the way onto the platform. It wasn't very tall, she would say it was about four and a half feet tall from the platform to the slanted ceilings and glass panes. Keith could sit up comfortably if he wanted too, but standing up straight was a big no-no and she crawled the rest of the way over to his side and sat next to him, knees brought to her chest as she took to staring at what he was. 

Vast emptiness below them, so dark, except for maybe a few stars littered randomly. Above and ahead, there was a stripe of condensed stars, like the Milky Way on a completely dark sky. That was what was giving them light enough to see each other and their surroundings. It was breathtaking, even though they had seen it before. Pidge, and she thinks the rest of the team, never just sit and look at the galaxy they are in. Look at their constellations and stars. Their brilliance, some shinning brighter than Sirius or bright red, a new dying star unlike Betelgeuse, who was dead for years; who knows when it will explode into a black hole?

Keith does. Pidge wonders if this has any indication to his far-off gaze he sports frequently. 

They sit in comfortable silence, each mulling over their own thoughts and admiring the stars when Keith spoke. Pidge doesn't know how long its been since she got there. It could have been minutes to more than a half hour. It was already "late" as it was.  

".. Do you ever feel so disconnected from people?"

Pidge glances to them, curious and also a tad bit worried. She _knew_  Keith was having trouble with something. Could this be it? Apparently she stayed quiet for too long when Keith glances over to her and thought he needed to explain. 

"I mean, you're here, you exist. That's obvious.. But, what if we don't? We're made up of atoms that are practically miles away from each other but condensed to close together to form everything around us." He rants, voice soft as he looks back to the stars and brings his knees to his chest, leaning his chin on his knee. His voice sounds like the rest of the teams when they talked their families. It was nostalgic, but with a bit of melancholic undertones. Except his undertones were much heavier. Something bigger than just homesickness and longing. "I... Sometimes I wonder if I am real. If you are, if any of this is real."

Pidge purses her lips. She could assure him all he wants, but that wouldn't change his reality perception. Pidge would count herself as one of the smartest of the team, they were all smart, but she thought she could read these things better. If this was going on longer, she bets Hunk would have noticed next. Her assurances that they were real would fall on deaf ears. She takes a deep breath and sighs out softly, musing on his words. 

_Disassociation_. 

Briefly, that's what she thinks Keith is experiencing. Sometimes she gets that. A weird shift between the nerves in her body and her brain. Like she was piloting a mecha suit. Sometimes she feels it while mind-melding with Green, being in her own body, her own person, and yet her other self was this giant mechanical lion. A disconnect between reality and fantasy. Realistically, she knows she is real, and everything else was too. But, if she were truthful, if she had an episode, she wouldn't believe any of it was real even if they could prove it, someway, somehow. 

"I don't have a family on earth." Keith says quietly, and Pidge nods. There really wasn't all that much to say. "You guys are my family now.."

Momentarily, Pidge feels a sense of pride at his words. He was her family now, too. She could feel him searching for words, but couldn't find any to continue speaking.

"So, is this were you go at night?" She asks instead. Keith is quiet, staring forward. He nods.

"It... It makes me feel.." He is struggling again, Pidge waits patiently. "It helps me make sense of what I'm feeling.. All the planets we've been too, all the galaxies, seeing all these different stars. These places are like us. Every planet or star is miles apart, but way bigger than the atoms."

* * *

 

How could Keith convey his thoughts when he was _terrible_ at communication? He purses his lips. He doesn't know why he let Pidge in. They've always had good synergy as teammates. Always had each other's back. He couldn't be alone anymore.

Realistically, he supposed he could. Could have told her to leave, wallowed in his own feelings before getting a few hours of sleep. But her presence wasn't overbearing or doting. It was light, here to offer help if he needed it, even if it was to talk and she didn't understand what in the world he was talking about.

"It's like," Keith pauses, staring at a particularly bright star he knows not the name of, "that star, right there. Everything around us is real, I can feel it, see it. Touch things. How can I know things aren't a dream?"

"People don't feel pain in their dreams, that's why the expression is 'pinch me I must be dreaming'."

"But some people can feel pain in their dreams." He muses, glancing to her as she thinks about what he said and nods.

"I've heard someone who played Sims, that their characters went into computer programming and literally found out they were a computer program."

Keith stares at her, he was vaguely aware of a computer game named Sims but the comparison wasn't something he understood. She shrugs.

"Is this where the disconnection comes from?" Keith looks away and nods. "Are you feeling disconnected now?"

"It's.. complicated." Keith pursed his lips, then sighs softly.

"Does it happen often?"

"It's getting more frequent." Keith explains. "It wasn't as bad as it was on earth or when I was younger." He closes his eyes and wraps the blanket closer around himself. "It feels like the older I get and the more we see, the more it feels my mind was downloaded and injected into a robot." He opens his eyes and looks at the palm of his hand, looking at the back then to the palm again. Making a small fist and releasing, watching his skin and muscles move and thinks how he feels every fiber move even though its impossible. He knows Pidge is waiting for him to continue, but he needs time to find words that his ineloquent brain can't produce at the drop of a hat.

"Even though you guys are my family now.. That doesn't mean I don't long for one.." He says softly, heart heavy in his chest. "It's like, like this. Matt is your brother. And no one can ever replace that. That's how I feel, except I don't have that family that can't be replaced. And.." He feels like choking up. He takes a deep breath, looking back out to the strip of stars.

"You guys are just so _lucky_ so feel homesick."

* * *

 

_**Fernweh**  (German): Feeling homesick for a place you have never been to._

 

"Lucky how?" Pidge asks carefully, both a bit hurt and curious.

"Lucky because you _have_ people to miss, have a home to go back too." Keith's voice is a bit higher in pitch, and Pidge's heart goes out to him. This was a lot to think about. "Lance probably thinks I'm a cold hearted person. I don't have anyone to miss, I don't feel homesick for a home I don't have. I can't sympathize with any of you about this.."

Pidge looks at him and his eyes are a little bit glossy. He takes another shaky breath before continuing.

"And.. I just.. That, and I feel so disconnected from you, everyone else.. The people we save, watching them hug their families.. I can't ever feel any of it.. I watch them and it _hurts_..." Another shaky breath. "It might hurt you being away from your family, to leave then behind to fight a war.. But they give you strength, don't they? Finding your brother and father, it lets you keep going. I see it."

Pidge purses her lips a little, watching him quietly before scooting a little closer. Keith let's her.

"But I... I don't have that. No parents, no siblings. No home." Pidge knows this isn't aimed at their team. Especially since most humans emphasize blood relations, Keith's feelings are valid. Damn, she really needs to hit Lance next time she sees him because she is eighty five percent sure Keith's disassociation is heavily influenced by Lance's harsh words despite how normal he acts around the others.

"It makes me feel so alone." He concludes. By this time Pidge is leaning against his side and his voice has somewhat calmed, taking deep breaths.

Pidge leans her head on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. After a moments silence he shifts and Pidge stops leaning on him, expecting his need for space to be reclaimed. Instead he only moves to let the blanket hang over her shoulders too, and she reclaimed her spot at his side. Snuggled close, it was a lot warmer.

"You can always talk to me." She said quietly. Keith looks at her and she looks up at him. He gives a small smile that actually reached his eyes.

"Thank you, Pidge."

* * *

 

They stayed up for longer than they probably planned to. Pidge told Keith about how she sometimes disassociates when she pilots Green. He tells her sometimes that's when he actually feels real. Because his natural state is like he pilots a mecha, his feelings finally match up.

Eventually they ended up on their tummies, heads propped on folded arms as they look out and use Pidge's gadget to map out the stars and give them names. The blanket sprawled over them as they lay side-by-side to keep warm. It wasn't hard to keep warm, between the blanket, Pidge, and Keith, Keith's body radiated heat like a furnace. Lance would probably stick his icicle hands up Keith's shirt if he knew.

They talked about theories, weird extraterrestrial stories. Keith was finally in the moment. Just a tad bit more than he has been the past few days or even months.

That was how they ended up asleep in a small part of the castle no one else could fit into, ignoring the far away intercom call their names.

* * *

  
_**Toska**  (Russian): A sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without a specific cause; a longing with nothing to long for._

  
It had become somewhat of a habit for the green and red paladins to hole up in their tiny little space, now hoarded with many pillows and blankets and Pidge's latest technology, whenever they are both awake in the middle of the castle's sleep cycle and hear each other scampering around. Pidge enjoys Keith's company, and Keith enjoys Pidge's. Sometimes they meet after a bad day, a bad mission, when they feel isolated from others and allow themselves to feel the isolation without judgement from the rest of the group before allowing themselves to feel the comaraderie of the other.

They meet after a good day. When they have a successful mission, or group exercise. After a day of free-time and relaxation on an earth-like beach of a vacation planet. They talk about nearly anything and everything. Mostly about the stars, their names and constellations of the locals. Butchering the pronounciations and mimicking facial expressions of aliens and bursting into laughter when they couldn't keep a straight face. It felt good, being able to relax. Being able to _breathe_.

Pidge, loveable and childish that she is, found _lights_ to hand around their hiding place. Literal tiny little lights that go on Christmas trees, only more alien and portable.

"Why not? They'll be like stars that we take with us. To always have stars that we recognize."

Pidge had said when Keith asked what they were for. They weren't really Christmas lights. They were small balls of gaseous light that were light enough to float and stick to the walls. He and Pidge spent an entire night deciding which constellations to make it into and gave them names.

They stashed away any and all kinds of alien candies and tasty snacks they could find to keep the others from eating them. In the very farthest corner hidden in a box that they share.

They didn't notice the curious gaze of the other paladins or Allura and Coran. Didn't notice, or didn't really care, how they were often nowhere to be found by the rest of the team and shrugged off their inquisitive questions with roundabout answers before being able to sneak off again, snickering to themselves.

They didn't care, at least not until Allura stepped in to see what they were hiding.

After a period of calm before the store, the Galra attacked full force and without mercy. They nearly fought non-stop for nearly three weeks. With only enough time to catch a few z's and some alien version of an energy bar for food. They were beyond exhausted. Being defenders of the universe took a lot out of you, especially when you were barely an adult.

After liberating the current solar system they were in, they managed to catch a break. Keith, along with Pidge, took the next second to take showers, get into pajamas, and climb up through the small opening to their hiding place and cozy up in their hoarded blankets and _sleep_. They slept for so long, and so deeply, that Allura had finally stepped in and tracked them down.

That was why, currently, Keith was waking up to whispers coming from beyond the opening.

"They're behind _this tiny place?_ " That was Lance's voice, he thinks as he grumbles and was very tempted to pull the covers over his head and fall back asleep.

"Forget that they're behind that, how the crow do they fit in there? Are you sure they're human? Pidge I get, she's tiny. But Keith? Are we sure he's not Altean and morphs to be smaller to get up there?" Hunk, he recognizes. He could practically hear the cogs working overtime in his brain. Keith bites back a groan. Next to him, Pidge stirs with her own noise of discontent.

"Fuck's goin' on?" They slur as they sit up a little bit and rub at their eyes. After a moment of yawning and stretching, they feel around for their glasses and put them on.

"Keith? Pidge?" Shiro, they recognize and glance to each other before actually heaving a sigh. They just wanted to sleep.

"Oh come on, that's  so not fair! How come _they_ get a cool hiding place?"

"Lance, please. This isn't a tree-house."

"Do you think we can make one, though? I want a cool place to hide too."

Pidge rubs her eyes again and huffs as they crawl to the dropped space to speak to them easier.

"Who dares disturb our slumber?" She mimics the Cave of Wonders Lion from Aladdin. Keith gives get an amused look as he hears a squeak of surprise.

"Holy crow! They are there!"

"What are you guys doing there?" Allura asks, amused more than concerned, unlike a certain black paladin.

"Trying to sleep if you don't mind." Pidge snarks without much heat.

"Well, it is breakfast time. You've been gone for ages. Is Keith up there with you?" Shiro, ever the worrier. Pidge looks to Keith and he grunts out an affirmative that earns him another surprised squeak from Lance.

" _How the hell did you fit in there?!_ " Lance squawks. Keith kind of wishes he could see how ridiculous his face looks.

"Come on out and have breakfast." Shiro responds back. The two glance at each other again and they both heave another great sigh like their request was the most irksome. Pidge untangles from her blankets and crawls out first. Keith thinks he can hear Hunk clapping like she just performed a magic trick. "You too, Keith."

Keith groans as he disentangles himself from his own blankets and crawls to the opening. Sliding headfirst down the opening and then arching his back as he slithers through in a mock- _urdhvamukha shvanasana_ pose; upward facing dog. When he raises his head, everyone in staring at him in shock. Well, all except Pidge. But that was only because she had known for a while, and to be fair she did have the same reaction the first time she saw. Keith was _very_ flexible.

Keith scoots further up and stands, stretching.

"What?" He asks as he looks around at everyone, Lance's mouth literally hanging open.

"What in _sans hell_ was that?" Lance bursts, there was a slight red color to his cheeks and Keith briefly wonders if he was getting sick.

"What was what?"

" _THAT_! The thing you just did! With your back!" Keith raises a brow. He was too drowsy from sleep and probably too hungry to even try and comprehend what Lance's problem was with him _now_. Luckily, Pidge cut in.

"Okay, so now that you've got us up and out lead the way to the food goo." She claps her hand in a 'chop chop' type manner and Shiro leads them all out, through the hallways, and to their dinning room. All the while Keith and Pidge ignoring Hunk and Lance's insistent questions about their secret base.

Over breakfast, when Pidge sat to his left and Lance to his left, she leaned in to quietly speak.

"Since everyone knows where it is now, we should totally make a sign to hang above the entrance. One that says 'No non-believers past this point' if I may."  Keith snickers and nods, swallowing a mouthful of goo.

"Complete with a hand-drawn UFO?"

"Oh yeah, big time."

" _Hey! Stop leaving us out!"_ Lance cries out indignantly.

So, that was how the group had once again congregated in this isolated part of the castle. Apparently Hunk and Lance had grown to be lonely without the company of the other two paladins, and had thus started to hoard even more blankets and pillows, not to mention a couple of mattresses they pushed to the walls, to make it an even better hide out. Lance said it would build the group synergy. Whatever. Keith rolls his eyes but lets them do it.

The weird hallway entrance to the room was soon covered by make-shift curtains, made from blankets of course. _Where the hell did they get all these blankets_? Someone might ask. Well, it is very simple, really. One way was from the castle-ships main supply, used to upkeep other rooms. The second way, as tradition started my Keith and Pidge, was to buy as many blankets as they liked from planets they liberated. Or, if the liberated people insisted on paying them, they insisted on getting blankets and pillows. Before their hideout had been found out and they were gifted with luxurious pillows and sheets of fine alien silk, they hoarded it in their secret corner and feigned ignorance when others asked. Often blaming it on Lance and his ability to misplace almost everything.

So now the entrance to their _new and improved_ hide out as Lance had dubbed it, now had a 'door', the curtains, and a sign glued to the wall.

_PALADINS ONLY (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧_

Was crudely written in Lance's handwriting and the small weird face was courtesy of Pidge allowing Lance so rummage through the keyboard to find a perfect emoticon.

They had installed a holographic television of sorts on one of the raised, _pirated movies_ , games, whatever they could get their hands on in whatever galaxy they were in. At first, when Hunk and Lance has started invading their little bubble of safety, they stayed up in their corner together. But after a while, they had grown used to the weird talks they heard between them and often had chimed in their two cent in arguments. Most of the time they sided with Hunk.

"That is so not fair!" Lance whines, huffing and stuffing his mouth with barely contained emotion.

Hunk just grins like he won the lotto. Keith covers his mouth to keep from laughing. They chose Hunk's side most of the time because they got this kind of reaction out of Lance. Sometimes they did the opposite, but most of the time they really didn't have any particular side to their arguments about which pick-up line was the best or what was the cheesiest scary movie they saw.

It had been a growing comfortable exchange. A side the paladins haven't seen of each other yet, despite being together for so long. Keith felt a tug inside his chest and purses his lips. Watches Pidge crawl to the space and gasps as she hears a resounding smack of a fully loaded pillow his someone. His grin widens as he joins her, and they share a look.

They crawl out of their hiding place, sleuthing out easily while the other two were distracted and attacked.

Their first time sharing the same space of their 'treehouse-ship' and it had been for a pillow fight. Red and Green against Blue and Yellow. No one won (Keith and Pidge totally won). They all ended up as a heap on the mattress and blanket covered floor, laughing and panting for breath as the tuckered out children they were. Chests heaving and stomachs hurting from strenuous exercise.

Keith's smile was so wide and he had held it for so long his cheeks were starting to hurt worse than his stomach. His fingertips tingled from adrenaline of their play-fight. His hair mussed into a birds nest from when he was attacked by a particularly static-conducting material covered pillow. His eyes go over the others as he calms down. _Sees them._

_Home._

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm.. so... how did I do?


End file.
